The weight of blogging.

I HATE BLOGGING. There. I said it. Ugh.

I know, it's just a personal journal of your inner most thoughts and ideas on particular subjects. Most of which are never your own thoughts but things you have learned along your path of life from other influences. Only instead of being private for someone to find someday after you pass on to your eternal destination, you put it out there where anyone can read. This means there are consequences because all of a sudden everyone knows your business. It is unrelenting accountability.

Remember the feeling of being suppressed you had as a teen when your Mother wanted to know the 411 on your life. Well, take that times about a bazillion. The great thing about it is that it is just a feeling. In all reality people just care and are interested in our well being. For an introvert like me though it can be overwhelming. Just give me a dark corner to exist in and don't bug me.

What happens if I mess up? Will I be letting everyone down? What if I don't reach my goals? What will people say then? Ugh. I am afraid it will have all the awkwardness of going to a funeral and having people say things that hurt instead of comfort. Would I rather them say nothing at all? No. Not really. People need to know you care. I need to know people care.

The question I ask myself now though is, how often do I show people I care. I often make remarks that could be taken as inappropriate. Like telling someone since they missed one day of running now they need to run twice a day for the next week to make up for it. While I mean it in all fun... how does it appear to the person it's aimed at? I hope they know I am not serious and that I really mean I just want them to get back up on their feet and keep trying.

Isn't that what we all want? When we have our biggest failures in life to know that people are there and will help us get back up again. That life is worth living. That better times will come. The struggles we have now will result in our future successes.

So, what started this whole mess. Let's just say I had anger management issues a few years back. I was always getting on my kids case. Stressing my sweetheart I am sure. I recognized it after a bit and found a wonderful book titled When Good Men Get Angry. (Running is a stress reliever.) What is astonishing is that the book helped me not only deal with my anger issues but it also opened up the door to me coming face to face with my pride issues.

So what does this all have to do with running? Well, after much reading, I have come to the conclusion that in order for me to excel further in running I have to do something about my weight. It is something I have conquered in the past but seems I keep struggling with it.

So there it is. I really don't want to share the whole idea about my weight. I am too proud to admit I have failed with weight management and I really hate the thought of people asking me about it. One would think if you have run multiple half-marathons that you should be slimming up. Unfortunately for me,  my fondness for food seems to outweigh the benefits of running. I get tired of reading story after story of how someone was over 300 pounds and now is a healthy hundred and something all because they started running.

Like running is the end all to all of your weight issues. It is not. If you are running to lose weight I can personally tell you that it alone will not do it for you. If you like to eat it is too easy to out eat your running. One latte at Starbucks is all it takes to undo your run. It is filled with empty calories from fat and sugar and it will not curb hunger or reduce the amount of food you eat later. So if we are really in this (running) to be healthier we also need to eat healthier. I am just so sick of weight watchers and the like. Don't get me wrong, they work great they just get real boring after a couple of years. The biggest thing I have to deal with is portion control. Really, One slice of pizza is a serving.

I will say running is something that is relatively inexpensive to start and can accommodate all skill levels. Even if you live in the city and your first time out you run the 50' between driveways. It is a start. Maybe that is how I need to approach my eating. Make small changes over time.

I don't know where I am going with all of this except to say that I want to eat healthier so I can take off another 40 pounds so I can run faster. So I can run that marathon (26.2 miles) someday in 5 hours (11:27 mile) or less.


Thanks for letting me vent/rant and feel free to ask me how it's going.
     Otto